Utah or Bust!
December 29, 2019 (Sunday) — *crying* Good Morning. I don’t even know what day it is. It’s 3:52AM and I’m hella early. I’m up so early because I couldn’t sleep, so I figured I’d just get up and out. I don’t know why it’s so hard leaving you, when I don’t even like you. *chuckle* You’re going to be fine Ness. You always do this and then you regret it..not this time. It’s going to be fun. It’s the alone time I need right now; that I’m looking for. The adventure that I need right now. I’m getting a hotel for NYE, so that’s going to be pretty sweet. I just don’t want to feel so lonely, especially during the holiday, but it’s my choice. It’s me. I’m choosing to do this. It’s not like I’m being forced or anything. So, gonna make the best of it. It’s just always hard to leave. But anyways, I have a 10-hour drive ahead of me. Valley of Gods, here I come. Weather’s looking nice and decent. My ETA is looking around 4:20PM LOL I think sunset is around 5 o’clock, so I have a full day of driving. I got George here with me, and yeah it’s going to be a good time guys. Once the sun comes out, once I get on the open road, I’ll be fine. I can’t believe 2019 is almost over. It’s going to be a good trip. Utah or bust!
I ran out of gas for the first time in this car, for the first time in a very long time AND I hitchhiked for the first time ever. I think I got lucky because I only had to stand out on the highway for less than 5 mins as cars were passing me by. But then this nice older guy pulled over and took me to the gas station. I bought a gas can. There was a little mix up at the gas station because I thought he was buying me gas, which I wasn’t expecting AT ALL, but there was miscommunication and he was buying himself gas as well. I started to think, am I going to have to hitch a different ride back to my car? Luckily, he took me back to my car. I’m barely in Kingman, Arizona and I have already been driving for 4.5 hours..I ran out of gas, I hitchhiked, I’m good. It’s all good. I’m maybe out $15 needing to buy a gas can, but it’s good to have one anyways. *heavy sigh* *laughs* End of the year roadie..so far, so good. It’s a good day.
Arrives to Navajo National Monument. Completely full of snow.
It’s going to be impossible to camp here tonight. Fuck.
12-hour check in. It’s 3:55 pm and we just reached Utah.
Long story short, probably should have been here awhile ago, but- check it out.
Greetings from the desert!
December 30, 2019 (Monday) — Good Morning and greetings from Goosenecks State Park, it is Monday 7:37AM and we are- I am, headed out. Camped here last night after driving almost 13-hours. *happy sigh* But you know what, it’s an experience. I look like crap this morning. I don’t know why my face looks swollen, but I’m having a good time now that I’m here. The journey here was just hard, it was very long. There was a point where I just wasn’t enjoying it anymore, I was just so tired. I left at 3:55 in the morning and got to Flagstaff a little after noon. After running out of gas, on top of a hill, trying to get to a gas station, having to hitchhike for the first time, all that was fine. Then finding out there’s just snow everywhere. It’s so pretty to see snow in the desert…it’s just hard to camp anywhere because I don’t know exactly what my car can handle in the snow. Yesterday I made it to Navjajo National Monument, which I’ve been before, it’s a legit free campsite, with a nice campground and a bathroom.. but there was just so much snow. So where can I end up? And there was no where, so I just had to make it to Utah, I was just so tired.
It was a cold, long, night, lastnight- it wasn’t too cold, I just couldn’t get comfortable. It was cold, but I wasn’t cold. It’s so pretty right now, the desert. I woke up a little after sunrise, and it’s like 16 degrees right now. I thought it was only suppose to get down to 19 degrees last night, so I know it was way cooler than that. There were icicles on my windsheild and my waterbottle had icicles in it. But anyways, just wanted to check in. Official first day of this road trip and I’m no longer getting a hotel. I don’t have enough money. So I’ve decided I can either try to start making my way home tomorrow night…tonight? See, I’m not sure. We’ll see what happens. It’s going to be a good day, I’m going to head out to Valley of the Gods now. So yeah, so far- so good.
It’s about 3:45pm and I am at Valley of the Gods and I’ve been here for about 8 hours. I just wanted to come on before I loose all sunlight. I came here earlier this morning and I’m going to camp here tonight. Found a sweet spot. I mean, check out what’s behind me. I’ve just been chilling here all day, and yeah- it’s been tough being here by myself. I’m not going to lie. I’ve been forcing myself though to enjoy it and just do things I wouldn’t normally do on these trips by myself. But it is tough, having no one here to talk to and I mean this place is super, super quiet, so I had to put on some music earlier and that helps a ton. Music just helps so much. The sun just set behind this big rock that I’m parked behind, so I’m starting to lose the sunlight. So I’ve decided that I’m going to stay here tonight and tomorrow night. I’m going to spend new years eve by myself…that’s what this trip was for right? That’s why I came out here. I knew I was going to be by myself, so I just gotta deal with it. I started my period….so yeah. Weather’s nice, there’s no snow. I know it’s going to be cold tonight, but I’m prepared for it. I’m going to watch a movie, have some dinner, some Fireball. No fires tonight, that’s OK. Day 2, it was a pretty lazy day. I know tomorrow is going to be pretty chill too, but being the last days of the year I’m going to use it as a reflection day, because I’m short on funds and money, I’m just going to use that day as a reflection day of 2019 because there was a lot of goals I set for myself this year that I didn’t accomplish, so I think it would be nice to see what happened, like where did I go wrong, what did I do? And if I can set these goals for 2020 because I need to figure something out. *heavy sigh* but look where we’re bringing in 2020..it’s not a bad place, right?
Last day of 2019.
December 31, 2019 (Tuesday) — Good Morning. It is chilly. Look you can see my breath. I’m making some hot chocolate. It’s the last day of 2019. Woke up in the Valley of the Gods, it was pretty chilly last night. I slept pretty well, for what it was. I woke up and everything is pretty frosted this morning. Just wanted to hop on, it’s pretty cold. I’m ready for this hot chocolate. Happy Tuesday. It is 8:40AM Utah time, cause I am still in Utah! I’ve been awake for about an hour already, I’m getting ready to head on home. I’m not sure if I’m going to make it all the way home, but it would be nice to sleep in my bed tonight. Utah is beautiful, there’s no doubt about it. But…um, it kinda sucks being alone. I think a day is good alone time, even just one night is decent. Not 800-900 miles away from home, that’s far. I mean, for what it is and for what its worth, it was totally worth it. I mean I had this entire place to myself yesterday, all night, all morning. It was kinda freaky, I started to freak myself out a little bit. It’s the last day of 2019. This is my last video. I did it, almost everyday, last time I checked it was like 266 videos. So 2019, I know I said this before, but 2019 was the year I first set any goals for myself. Every month was a different goal, and I was doing good until maybe March/April. In terms of travel goals- I succedded. In terms of personal goals/relationship goals- I’m back at square one. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what I want. No, I do know what I want, I need to stop saying that. *long pause* *crying* See- I’ve given myself almost a whole year to figure this out, and I’m back at square one.. I stared my period yesterday, so I’m pretty emotional. I’m PMsing. Lol. Which is also another reason why I’m like, I’m lonely I want to go home. Because yesterday I was like, no- what do I want? I want to wake up in my car, on January 1 like ahh it’s the beginning of a new year, how refreshing is it to wake up here. But truth of the matter is, it’s really cold and I’m not having fun. I’ve been in my car…90 percent of this entire trip. I didn’t get out of my car yesterday much at all, so you know it is what it is.
You know, one day a year ago- me and Brandon went camping in Alabama Hills and it was a horrible night. At least that’s what I rememebered it to be. He fell asleep really early. I rolled a blunt. I woke him up, to celebrate at midnight and he was tired, cold, uncomfortable and I wanted to spark the blunt at midnight to celebrate, so I did. He woke up, and he was mad. Like really your going to smoke right now, without me? And I was like, well I woke you up… It’s the new year, come on lets celebrate. That was how we started the new year. That was the last time we went camping …together. The first thing that I told myself at midnight last year, was I know what I have to do and that was leaving him, and moving out. ANYWAYS. I’ve got a long drive home. I have a lot to think about. But it sucks to know that I haven’t gotten anywhere in a year- personally. It’s going to be a good day. It’s going to be a long drive. And no matter where you end up tonight, it’s going to be a good night. There’s no reason to stress about anything.